Advice for dual-career couples often centers around practicality. But during a crisis, couples are more likely to keep their relational and professional lives intact by discussing and agreeing upon certain principles early on, according to one organizational behavior researcher.
In her Harvard Business Review article titled, "How Dual-Career Couples Can Work Through the Coronavirus Crisis," Jennifer Petriglieri, PhD, acknowledges the practical guidance couples may encounter — divide chores, alternate shifts between child care and work, avoid working at the kitchen table, close the door to your home office, and so on.
Dr. Petriglieri encourages couples to instead take one evening to establish what she calls a "crisis deal," which is essentially a contract between the working partners.
"My research — for which I've interviewed more than 100 couples — shows that the couples who survive crises with their relationship and careers intact are those who discuss and agree on certain principles as the crisis begins. These should capture what matters most to them, what they need and want to achieve, what they need from each other and what they must give in return," she writes.
She advises for each partner to answer the following questions separately, based on a three-month time span. Then, share your responses with one another, point by point, and reach an agreement on each. The questions are:
- What matters most to you in this period? Beyond the health and safety of your loved ones, think about your top three goals for this time.
- What's the relative priority of your careers over the coming months? You need to figure out whose work gets priority when, advises Dr. Petriglieri. "Do you have a stable deal in which one of your careers consistently takes priority over the other? Do you try to maintain a 50/50 split? Or are there certain weeks when one of you will need to have priority over working time?"
- What are your parenting principles during this period? Some considerations here include screen-time restrictions, home-schooling involvement and reducing children's anxieties.
- What do you need from each other to make this all work? Describe what your ideal form of support looks like.
- What are the things that concern you most? "In times of crisis many of us adopt a stiff-upper-lip stance and bottle up our concerns. This is not helpful within a couple. Understanding each other's key concerns is critical, because it makes us more attentive and sensitive."